discussion section and respective walls 'o text

my homie por vida melissa from SF wrote me a rather well thought-out response to my previous post. if you didn't see it in the comments, here it is:

I'm having a hard time connecting all of the dots. It would appear that while Nikki Giovanni is our ultimate target, you also are drawing a parallel to your own run-in with a crazy Korean- sort of the "I was there, too" approach. Interesting how in your rant Seung Cho is given some type of validity while Joe is referred to, at the end, as the 'retard'. I'm not quite sure what makes one or the other - maybe you could clarify?

As far as Seung Cho and Nikki Giovanni both writing 'inciteful' poems, I think you're detracting from the chain of events. Certainly Nikki Giovanni is being interviewed all over town- she's far more eloquent than many of the people I've heard coming from VT and she has a degree of understanding that most on the campus don't, being one who worked with Seung Cho not just as his professor in a large room, but also as a tutor (I didn't have any professors willing to tutor me at university-but I digress).

I suppose what I'm trying to hack away at, in the end, are two things; the first being your title and the second being the basis for your title which of course is the comparison between Seung Cho's muddled and very adolescent play and Nikki Giovanni's concise call to black amerikkka during a time of incredible turmoil. In the end Cho decided (on whatever level that he was capable of doing so), to write a manifesto of sorts about himself and his experience with the world around him - a tricky subject matter indeed as it requires the reader to look deep into the text, assume the position of the writer's mind and infer what he wants us to infer.

How is this different from Nikki Giovanni? Well, first it's important to note that you omitted the title of her poem "The True Import of Present Dialogue, Black vs. Negro (For Pepe Who Will Ultimately Judge Our Efforts). The title alone speaks to the time in and context for what Giovanni was writing about- Black people in this stupid ass country still being called 'negroes' and being sent like lambs to fight whitey's war (and there really can be no arguing whether or not Viet Nam was anything other than a white-man's wet dream). In this poem, Giovanni is angry with her fellow black men for their seeming lack of action. She seems to say, 'How could you pick up a gun for the white man, but not for your own community?" She's not inciting her inner rage and calling for an indiscriminate killing of the honky menace, but she is inciting thought.
Seung Cho's plays were, again, sophomoric to be sure, but what Giovanni claimed was frightening wasn't his plays. It was his actions in large groups of people and the ways in which he tried to force his work onto non-accepting students. Nikki Giovanni was published and distinguished and anyone could choose to ignore her work or to read it. According to Giovanni however, Cho wasn't interested in giving people that option which of course amounts to intimidation and coercion.
You or I, dear Louis, would probably laugh a little uncomfortably at the poor sucker trying to ram his poetry down our throats and we might choose not to be intimidated. (But you and I are far superior to the rest of the wasted masses-again I digress).

Perhaps Nikki Giovanni is guilty of not understanding Seung Cho's text. I'd say the media is indeed guilty of shortening both his words and Giovanni's words - simplifying two incredibly complex people and spinning them like plates around our saturated brains.

I'd definitely change the title. Thanks for the read.

love always,

Melissa (Pit Crew, TEAM LOUIE)


my sad response here:
melissa. thanks for the response. as promised in my own response to your comments posted on my blog, i'm writing a rebuttal on yours. as per the title to the email i wrote you, i don't deny that i'm not an asshole, BUT let me clarify a few things before i get more involved here: (1) i don't feel any sympathy for Seung Cho. the dude was an asshole who murdered a bunch of people against whom he seemingly had no vendetta or reason. even if he did, i wouldn't feel bad for him. (2) i don't feel any affinity with him because of he was Asian and was rightfully roasted as a mass murderer by any normal thinking media outlet, nor do i fear any potential racial backlash by other assholes who can't think for themselves. any sort of backlash based on race or nationality, be it 9/11 as a prominent example, or Cho's rampage at Virginia Tech, is ridiculously stupid, and usually a product of other (usually drunk) morons, themselves feeling a twisted, misguided sense of cosmic justice. (3) the title of Giovanni's poem was indeed named on the post i made last night. in fact, i made a point to show the entire poem, sans edits unlike Steve Sailer's post on his blog, which ended with the line we got to show we can kill. i don't think i ever said she was advocating mass murder, but if i did, i would have been mistaken. however, i do believe that in the examples i wrote about, her work would stand out to most every day Americans as more troubling and disconcerting than Cho's ridiculously forced lines a la "Must kill Dick. Dick must die" etc. (4) the title won't change, even though you believe it should. if i were an asshole then, then i should be an asshole now.

the original intent of it all was, as i wrote in my comment to you on my site, to ridicule the alarmist nature to which media has ascribed to Cho's writing. of course, in the light of this discussion, that point was somewhat lost, probably between 3 and 3.15am last night. nikki giovanni is not, you are correct in pointing out, the big problem here. however, the issue i have trouble with is i don't find her to be all that trustworthy of a narrator, so to speak. the same goes for the student who supposedly claimed he knew Cho would be someone who would come in to class and start shooting. like i said in my rant, hindsight is 20/20. by nearly 98% of accounts, including his family, his roommates, his teachers, Cho had no friends. he never spoke to anyone. he was highly limited in classroom or even social discussion. to say that he imposed a massive, intimidating presence in the classroom on other students to me is not believable. as related to what you said yourself, people could choose to read his work or not, believe in it or not, give it a failing grade or a passing one. Giovanni herself is not, to me, a believable character. the facts are i haven't heard anyone made much of an effort beyond offering him $10 to talk, a degrading and condescending act that probably should have gotten the offerer punched in the face.

what i'm not saying is that if he were able to express himself more eloquently, like say how people describe Nikki Giovanni, this whole thing could have been avoided. i'm deliberately not joining in the media frenzy of finger pointing (Old Boy, the signs were all there in the writing etc.). but to some degree i do believe that people like Peter Sotos, Dennis Cooper, and even Bret Easton Ellis, would be a lot scarier to be around if they weren't so articulate and creative. Cho chose his road as a grown man, though possibly a disturbed one. He might have chosen another given a certain set of circumstances, but by all accounts he seemed to want to remain in his own world, and there weren't many attempts to pull him out of it. personally i don't consider recommending he be instated in mental institutions or removed from your classroom particularly helpful.

As i wrote before, Giovanni was right. Maybe she got lucky (or unlucky, as it were). Now she's reaping the fame that comes with being right, stepping up and being a spokesperson for VT and its Future. but i find most of her comments, however eloquent, to be somewhat disingenuous and based on her own 20/20 hindsight. i believe only in her distaste for Cho prior to his rampage, the evidence of which is seething in her comments. Should she be lionized for it? i don't think so.

again. thanks for the discussion and the comments. maybe we should talk about the hearings that involved the supposed heroism of pat tillman/jessica lynch next. you pick.

mkl

ps. the intro with my old roommate was purely anecdotal in the sense that i didn't have the energy or desire to return to him, except let my friends know what fucking douchebag i once lived with.

pps. i didn't know how crazy he actually was when i gave him the acid.

it's okay as long as you're black, i guess... thoughts on nikki giovanni and seung cho

Note: I originally wanted this column to run on my magazine, Fanzine, (actually i wanted my co-editor to write this) but was snaked by other bloggers (notably, Steve Sailer's very good blog]) and writers, due to our own time and work constraints.

Introduction: When i was in my third year at the University of Delaware i had this korean roommate Joe. For whatever reason the school always paired me up with Asians, the previous year being with an over-achieving, slightly older, pretentious pre-med Punjab-Indian roommate named Ramin. Joe was about as annoying as Ramin was, but in a separate way: he was, for one, a chronic masturbator who didn't care if i was trying to sleep in the room we both shared. He also was one of the worst snorers i've ever experienced, which, prior to the chronic masturbation revelation that came in the first few weeks, made me seek out another roommate early on. He also always sang over my Iron Maiden records. he also had a weird habit of looking up Internet porn in the computer labs, printing out the images on the communal printers, and bringing them home. He hated fags, as my friend Chris would jokingly post homoerotic pictures he stole from the Philadelphia City Paper on my front door. But the fucked up thing about Joe was that a few weeks before spring break he stopped going to classes, locked himself in the room we once shared (i moved into the living room after the porn and masturbation, which like poetry [which will become relevant later in some sense] should only be done in one's own room, on one's own time, got too much for me... plus for some reason i had a girlfriend at the time), smoked constantly when we couldn't open the windows (our room was was the 20-something floor of a dorm tower), and started breaking all of his electronics. i could hear him on the other side of his room smashing plastic things and crunching metal, throwing chairs, arguing with a friend of his, whose name i can't remember. i let this go on for several weeks, but not before i gave him some acid i had stashed in the freezer, then, while he was tripping hard, running into his room acting like i was being chased and eaten alive by invisible insects. it was my backhanded way of retribution for all the bullshit i'd put up with.

well, it turns out joe was going textbook paranoid schizophrenic. he told me one morning he wasn't going to school, nor leaving the apartment anymore because people (usually the CIA or FBI) were out to kill him. he smashed our phone which i had drawn a pentagram on months earlier. he broke all his electronics: TV, VCR, stereo; went out and bought new ones, then broke those too. he did manage to hold on to the vcr and tv long enough to rent porn—i know because i watched some of them once. i usually went to sleep with a knife or a fork under my pillow.

One day during spring break i went back to the apartment to grab some records and saw Joe was there. I looked in his room and saw papers, trash, movies, clothes, books, etc. thrown around everywhere—like there had been a fight or a whirlwind in his room. Joe and his friend were lying on the floor looking exhausted, smoking cigarettes. I didn't ask what happened, but a few days later his family started calling my apartment, asking about Joe, how he was, if he was acting strange. I told them about the CIA, his broken electronics, his paranoia. They seemed to know of a history of him acting like this, but, as is the Asian way, didn't divulge much information to the person who had to deal with it every day. A few days later, I came home from class to see all of Joe's shit in the hallway, thrown about like it had been ransacked. At first i was tripping thinking he'd thrown my stuff out too, then i saw a note by my (new) phone in the apartment telling me to call the university police and the RA. Joe had gone totally nuts, thrown all of his shit out, started threatening people in the dorm, and the RA called the cops on him, who hauled him away to the hospital. I called the police—and was immediately freaked out because of all the acid i had in the freezer, but i did a quick check and it was still there. Joe was in the hospital, they told me. His family would take care of it from here. Finally i was free of this douchebag. Chris and I took all the school books of his we could find in the trash and hallway, and sold them back for beer money and got drunk.

A day later he started calling me at the apartment. I'm fine, man, he said. I'm in a safe place, not in a hospital, he said, while clearly i could hear all the blips and beeps and intercom pages so familiar with hospitals. he wanted me to give him the phone number a girl he worked with at the university, some girl he had a crush on who obviously didn't need this bullshit. please, he said. just help me out. get me her number. he gave me her name. i gave him a fake number and never heard from him again.

a rant: By now, everyone has heard about Seung Cho, the 23-year-old kid who slaughtered all those people at Virginia Tech. One might be tempted to think I'm trying to draw some sort of parallel between Joe and Seung Cho, their respective mental states and paranoia—and to some degree i think Joe may have been capable of murder in his schizophrenic episodes, but mostly i think he was more a danger to himself—and i do think most korean women are crazy, but that's another post altogether—but really that's too circumstantial and simplistic. Joe was a fucking retard who lied about his age (he told me he was 23, but after the police hauled him away i found out he was really 31). Seung Cho was a troubled kid, mostly ignored and left to his own destructive—internally, and later, externally—devices. There's been a lot of talk amongst the hype, the pomp and circumstance surrounding the aftermath of his awful rampage in Virginia, about his writings, particularly the plays Richard McBeef and Mr. Brownstone, and how all the signs were there for anyone to glean, that Cho was indeed fucked-up in the head and headed for an outcome such as what came to someone's fruition last week.

If anyone actually sat down and read the plays, however, they'd find an almost comic-book level intensity, the kind of embarrassing scribble any writer would hide long in their 9th grade journal, seething with an anger you can't quite articulate, but boiling over with a forced hand that's obvious and amateur. Yet, writing like this was enough to convince one teacher to fear Cho so much that during her individual studies with him, to establish a code with her assistant to phone the police. It was enough to cause one student to say (after Cho had actually done the act) that Cho "was the kind of person who is going to walk into class one day and start shooting." Well, it turns out he was right. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

But what really interests me here about Cho is that he was kicked out of an English class in 2005 by a professor named Nikki Giovanni. Aside from being a well-known poet, popular teacher at VT and one of Oprah's 25 "Living Legends," she has received numerous articles of praise during the shockwave phase after the Cho massacre, as someone who is keeping the Hokie spirit alive in the face of disaster, a heroine who stood up to this menacing student, a bully and a silent intimidator. In an article from itribe]:

It is interesting also to know that Giovanni did cross paths with Cho only once again after she booted him from class.

It happened one day when the platinum-white-haired Giovanni, 63, was walking a path on campus. Several yards ahead she noticed Cho walking the path toward her. And, indicative of this poet’s character, she decided to sustain eye contact with him as they moved closer and passed each other on the path.

Giovanni, a strong person in many ways, including her survival of lung cancer, was determined even in that brief passing moment with Cho that she would not display weakness. Rather, she would display her steely resolve, holding an eagle’s gaze on him without a blink.

“I was not going to look away as if I were afraid,” Giovanni said.

“To me he was a bully, and I had no fear of this child.”

And in the New York Times column, The Lede:
“Once I realized my class was scared, I knew I had to do something,” she told The Washington Post.

So she confronted him about the dark sunglasses and maroon cap he would wear in class and the darker poetry that he would write.

“You can’t do that,” she told him, referring to the “intimidating” poems.

“You can’t make me,” he replied.

“Yeah, I can.”

Her next step was to lobby the department head, Lucinda Roy, writing a letter requesting he leave the class, she told CNN. And she was ready to go all the way.

“I was willing to resign before I would continue with him,” she told CNN. “It was the meanness.”

She sounds like a strong, no-bullshit woman, someone who can hold together the marrow of the VT community after this tragedy(i'm not so cynical to opine that what happened at VT was anything but—32 people is, on a familiar scale if one considers his own family, including all living relatives—aunts, uncles, brothers, cousins, father, mother, 2 sets of grandparents—a complete wash; an annihilation of a whole family), and indeed she has stepped up to fill those needs within a campus that has experienced the worst shooting in U.S. history. She is indeed soaking in the interviews as an early whistle-blower of young Seung Cho's disturbances. She kicked him out her class because he was so intimidating and, apparently, dangerous.

She was right. Cho murdered 32 people, apparently without care or discretion. She's also a horrible hypocrite. In another life, Nikki Giovanni was a well-known and popular Black Power poet, a militant of sorts, who wrote far more "disturbing" texts than Cho. Take some "disturbing" literature written by Cho, from Richard McBeef:

John: "Eat this you giant tree trunk piece of ass!"
Richard: "Ahhhh!"
John: "Fuck you Dad!"

and:

John: "I hate him. Must kill Dick. Must kill Dick. Dick must die. Kill Dick."

Now lets look at Giovanni's poem, The True Import of Present Dialogue, Black vs. Negro (For Peppe Who Will Ultimately Judge Our Efforts):

Nigger
Can you kill
Can you kill
Can a nigger kill
Can a nigger kill a honkie
Can a nigger kill the Man
Can you kill nigger
Huh? nigger can you
kill
Do you know how to draw blood
Can you poison
Can you stab-a-Jew
Can you kill huh? nigger
Can you kill
Can you run a protestant down with your
'68 El Dorado
(that's all they're good for anyway)
Can you kill
Can you piss on a blond head
Can you cut it off
Can you kill
A nigger can die
We ain't got to prove we can die
We got to prove we can kill
They sent us to kill
Japan and Africa
We policed europe
Can you kill
Can you kill a white man
Can you kill the nigger
in you
Can you make your nigger mind
die
Can you kill your nigger mind
And free your black hands to
strangle
Can you kill
Can a nigger kill
Can you shoot straight and
Fire for good measure
Can you splatter their brains in the street
Can you kill them
Can you lure them to bed to kill them
We kill in Viet Nam
for them
We kill for UN & NATO & SEATO & US
And everywhere for all alphabet but
BLACK
Can we learn to kill WHITE for BLACK
Learn to kill niggers
Learn to be Black men

I'm not one to take things without a grain of salt, but to me Giovanni's poem can read far more inciting and hateful than Cho's hackneyed attempts at expressing anger and whatever fucked-up-edness he saw in the world. This poem obviously operates on different levels of understanding—something Cho couldn't seem to do himself. She kicked him out of her class. No one has talked about Seung Cho's inability to articulate himself eloquently and, at least accurately, except his family, who always hoped he would leave his shell, get over his insecurities and shyness, and begin to speak. In the end, Giovanni, who mimicked Tupac Shakur's "Thug Life" tattoo, claims, "I'm not prescient."

There are certain writers who come to mind that, if they weren't so eloquent and articulate, would be very fearsome in person. I would personally be afraid of the following authors if they were not such good writers: Peter Sotos, Dennis Cooper, Dennis Johnson, Brett Easton Ellis, to name a few. Seung Cho went another route. Ultimately, Giovanni was right. Got lucky maybe. But she's also full of shit.

dyke out

Cortney Harding at Freewilliamsburg has been putting up all these music videos lately by all these bands i used to listen to when i was in high school, so i'm snaking him (or her) by putting this one up before he (or she) can. team dresch was one of the rawest bands i heard when i first started listening to (good) music; i think one of my few friends from high school put this song on a mixtape he made for me, along with other stuff i still listen to to this day (shellac, six finger satellite, rodan, the spinanes). personal best is still a really good record, full of musical adjectives i very much dislike using, but feel are mostly appropriate in this case. anyhow, i'll let pitchfork's writers embarrass themselves with that. this video is from last year—i didn't even know they were playing shows, but then again i'm out of the music loop for the most part. and listen to the crowd singing along—i don't think those girls would let me get anywhere near the stage without them getting all fired up and kicking me in the balls. which would suck for them because i'd have to get melissa or heidi to rock their jaws, if they could keep from making out with my assailants. dykes are a horny bunch, as i know.

new bike

well i'm glad i made that last post about jena malone, even though it was somewhat embarassing, it helped me get over being crushed out. now i'm the same super depressed guy i've always been. otherwise, the super cruiser is one step away from being done. it's very cruise-worthy and really fun after five years of riding a track bike. i get to ride it for about another month before i give it away, with all my good intentions.

totally crushed out

it's been an inordinate amount of time since i've updated this with a real post, one that i've put any sort of thought or effort into, especially since i consider myself a "writer/editor" (thought now i add "apprentice printer" to the list) when contemplating any sort of employment. i won't bore the hordes with updating my life until now with details of various minutiae of daily life or bad, prescient dreams, or my usual visions of bad luck, but i will offer a few odd facts to bring myself up to speed before offering admissions toward my own personal embarassment to you in hopes of forgiveness of the lateness of these sporadic updates. one: i'm getting kicked out of my apartment in brooklyn because the landlord got greedy, and to stay in the neighborhood as i'd like to do, will raise my rent by about $400. two, i pretty much finished the bike (my mom's old 1979 schwinn suburban) i was working on. the bike shop (NYC Bikes) did a really good job at getting the old positron one-piece crank set off and converting the American bottom bracket shell to an English threaded one (as well as fixing a few other things i screwed up), and they were really chill people too (thanks to Rich for his help), unlike too many bike shops i go into where people are total dicks in their narrow little cycling world. one thing i want to change out still is the chainring, which is a Rocket ring, a 110/130mm chainring that looks like it should be on a BMX bike. trying to keep things looking pretty '70s. three, (fanzine is moving into an office right across the hall from coeur noir and is getting almost legit.

re: title. is there an age limit to being crushed out? i'm really not sure what the rules are there, although i'd imagine being 67 years old and crushed out on a 23 year old, though she may possess some very admiral... err... admirable qualities (none of which are probably a pair of big tits, at least as far as i can predict my tastes as i'd see myself as a 67-year-old man), would probably be really creepy and weird to said young lady. but i suppose the limit on age range isn't completely violated in this case, although i think an exception could be made considering these ridiculous circumstances.

one scenario isn't really being crushed out in a sexually-attracted sense, but rather in an insecure, re-interpretation of an earlier (like 12 years ago earlier) age when i was really into this band called the spinanes, who were this girl/boy duo from seattle in the early 1990s, the heyday of sub pop. i was initially really into their first record manos because of the simplistic guitar/drum/voice combo, but the drummer left the band and the singer, rebecca gates, expanded the band's sound in strand and arches and aisles, in which she collaborated with some guys from the sea and cake on a few songs. i saw her play a few times in washington dc (at the height of my indie-rock nerdness; once at some urban outfitters on M street in georgetown, down the street from the exorcist stairs and close to the hotel i stayed at with sam when she won that writing award), and also one of their last shows at the khyber in philly (ted leo was on guitar, which was awesome). gates recently played a show up here in brooklyn at union pool, which was unsettling for me since i found out about it a day late, and also didn't know (a) rebecca gates lives in brooklyn, and (b) that she still played out.

nobody ever went with me to the spinanes shows, which only reaffirms my sense that nobody really knew who they were or gave a shit (though freewilliamsburg posted a video here, so someone else must be into them), but they were one of my favorite bands at the time and i still put their songs on mixtapes to this day. i still tell people about the time i saw sebadoh play at Yale, me and jason lowenstein had the same spinanes t-shirt on. i found rebecca gates on myspace and attempted to add her as a friend. even though my current picture is a photo of my crotch, though fully clothed, i'm hoping she accepts me. i've been checking about every hour on the hour and i'm actually fearing rejection, which might be the most crushing blow i've experienced via the Internet, with certain exceptions made for particular girls from LA (though i then called them up and at least made them vocally repeat what they typed to me, i guess in an effort to solidify my rejection).

my second, equally ridiculous, crush at the moment is Jena Malone, who you probably remember from Donnie Darko, Saved, The Secret Life of Altar Boys, and other films of well-appreciated critical accomplishment. this one i feel really creepy about, because i once had a similar sort of thing for Natalie Portman after i saw Beautiful Girls. not really in a purely-sexual sense either (although i will categorically deny ever having sexual feelings for natalie portman in that movie, i still feel especially creepy since i've been reading a lot of Peter Sotos lately), but more this desperate old-man feeling of admiration toward some precocious old-soul, perhaps in some subconscious attempt to thwart age, or the immaturity of one's own past. anyhow, without any real, personal information to back this claim up, Jena Malone seems like a pretty rad person. i think i started getting crushed out on her after the INDEX (see above pic) interview came out a few years ago, which is really strange to me since i rarely ever have a thing for famous, or semi-famous people, but with certain individuals, under specific parameters, i think it's okay. just to give this a current, newsworthy hook, she's playing guitar at the mercury lounge on tuesday. i'm thinking about going and asking her out on a date.

all hail mr. and mrs. McKinney

i wish i had pics right now of the craziest and funnest event in a long time. congratulations to casey and robin on probably the fastest marriage in these modern days. somebody had to show people how it's done. "who would have thought, the night before your wedding, we'd be sitting here in the misses/juniors department at macy's eating pretzles and ice cream and drinking soda?" more TK for sure.

edit: robin sent me pics finally...

me, casey, robin, zoe at the courthouse.

some super chink-y picture of me.

also, susan gave me her old digital camera, so supposedly i will post more pictures of interesting things.

finding jesus

Since Sufjan Stevens has pretty much made it acceptable and cool to be Christian again, i've decided to find Jesus, myself. I originally planned to give this playlist to a certain somebody, but then i thought, what would Jesus H. Christ do? That is to say, he would share it with everyone. You will note the many obvious and subtle references. Also take note that every playlist i've made for others in 2006 included at least one David Bowie and/or Mogwai song. This one contains neither. If you get a message that you need to sign up in order to download this, don't come bitching to me. Just sign up. It's free. Free. Praise be to Jesus.[sorry, no cover this time]

FINDING JESUS

1. BIG STAR - september girls
2. SPIRITUALIZED - won't get to heaven
3. THE ROLLING STONES - salt of the earth
4. EUPHIO 6 - ???
5. YO LA TENGO - today is the day
6. THE POGUES - tuesday morning
7. HÜSKER DÜ - celebrated summer
8. JETS TO BRAZIL - chinatown
9. THE VASELINES - slushy
10. AM/FM - getting into the sinking
11. LEONARD COHEN - sisters of mercy
12. SPACEMEN3 - lord can you hear me?
13. GRAM PARSONS - in my hour of darkness
14. THE VELVET UNDERGROUND - what goes on

this is how we keep wu-tang money all up in the family

if you know my family at all, you probably know that the three other people in the picture from my previous post are married and/or have kids. those are my cousins chris, who has a son and got married this past summer, marissa, who just yesterday (january 5) had a son she calls jack, and branden, who is married and lives in maine. my brother also has a kid, and my cousin jen, branden's sister, is in a serious relationship, whatever that means. i'm more or less the loser in my family of this particular generation, seeing as how i haven't had a real relationship in ten years, and that one thankfully seems less and less real with every passing day. i have, however, had a few ridiculously drawn-out situations that didn't really lead anywhere, but might have worked out in a parallel universe, perhaps where the UFO that flew over O'Hare airport back in November live.

i stopped thinking of creative ways to off myself long enough to take a phone call from my grandmother. she's 72 years old, was born in brooklyn, grew up in guangzhou, china and moved back to the US in the 1940s. guangzhou, china circa-1940 was not the guangzhou, china of today. in 1940, guangzhou was occupied by japanese troops, largely rural (this will become important in a paragraph or two), and it wasn't until 1949 that it began to become urbanized with the arrival of communist influences. it's very close to Hong Kong, which also lead to rapid urban development. today, it has one of the top economies among chinese cities. but back to my grandmother's phone call: she was calling to hook me up with a girl. i'm guessing my history of floundering so badly on my own was out of the bag, and she had a lady for me. i have good news, she said. she had the phone number of a girl who, conveniently, lives across the williamsburg bridge from me, in nyc's chinatown. she's my age and chinese, which is good since all my cousins and brother totally blew it by marrying and/or had kids with a bunch of honkies. that's another post. i was a little tipsy when my grandmother called, so i was kind of going along with the hookup, even though i clearly remember the last time she tried to hook me up...

aside (and this warrants an aside): i was probably 20 the last time my grandmother tried to set me up with some ladies. they were two sisters, the daughters of the man who owned chopsticks restaurant on elkton road in newark. at first i was stoked on it, but after i met them i quickly realized they were among the dumbest people i'd ever met. i continually ignored them as they squawked about all the white boys they were into back and forth like a couple of now-extinct dodos with lazy eyes. i can't recall another couple of girls who sounded more like dumb shit valley girls straight from satire.

anyhow, i was drunk when my grandmother called me and halfway entertained the idea of actually calling this girl. she lives with her parents, which was a minus in my book. i can't really speak chinese, which is probably a minus in her book. i'm also a scumbag, which is probably a huge minus in her book. but then my grandmother said something that negated the whole visualization process anyway. "she's my sister's granddaughter," she said. uh... huh... i said. doesn't that make us kinda related? yes, she said, she's your cousin... second cousin. oh. ok. well, that's rather prescient of her to realize that i must be doing that bad that i need to be hooked up with my second cousin. like i wrote to bobby su, i guess there's some redneck in my family after all, and if not, there might be some in the future. i'm thinking of getting together with her, maybe just to spite the family. i haven't gotten drunk enough yet to do it, though; i keep fallling asleep before i am drunk enough.

in other news, i'm building up a new bike that i'm pretty excited about. it's my mom's schwinn suburban from 1977 or so, which she rode once. i'm stripping it and making it into a single-speed freewheel that will be amazing for cruising in the summertime. i already have some mavic cxp22 rims laced to formula hubs, i need to get some decent vintage-looking cranks and a few other cool things like cork grips and pedals, but should be pretty fun to fix up.